I do not know how other people experience this, for me solitude balances my soul.

My battery is recharged by returning to silence.

Where I am now, near the ocean, surrounded by the wilderness of nature, I feel more at ease than anywhere else.

Here I can feel that my essence is wild, untamed, and at the same time well ordered like nature itself.  Just like the ocean, whose waves touch the land in an incessantly alive and orderly manner.

The smell, the sounds, the endless views, carry me past the horizon of society.

Here I can cast off the influences that make me adapt all the time.

Here I have the feeling that I do not need to look after others, even though the household chores are the same.

Why then do I write? Why do I want to let others know about this?

It has to do with a fascination for life. My life feels more meaningful when I share these things.

There is a voice inside me screaming: Look at this, be silent for just a moment! Come closer and celebrate with me the sacredness of nature.

At this moment writing is the only way for me to tell this without disturbing that same silence at the same time. Because, when I stop listening, I do not see, feel, smell, know any more.

That’s why I like to write.

To give a voice to the savageness inside me without disturbing the silence.

Last night the monsters of my mind were knocking at my door.

Mental fingers were grabbing me; they tore me away from peaceful sleep and blocked the entrance towards the temple of my soul where deeper levels of love are waiting to embrace all that I am.

Then I felt a little flame inside me. It reminded me of harmonic states I have known before.

May the flame of my heart unlearn to waver at the slightest turmoil.

May the flame of my heart thrive.

May the flame of our hearts lighten our lives.

In the dark we only need the light of one candle to brighten us.

Blessings for all,

Joos

May the wild mother free herself in my bones,

the structure of my soul.

may she unexpectedly appear in her outrageous beauty.

May she tap me on my shoulder, reach the wildness of my being,

remind me of the life that’s stirring in my veins.

Let the warmth of Spirit illuminate our being

and protect us while we are breaking free

from the chains of our upbringing.

May we live in liberty.

In my dream I see houses burning with such a blazing fire that I can feel the warmth on this side of the ocean. I dare not enter the waters because I am in fear of being burned myself.

My heart remains calm, even though the image is life threatening. It seems like, in my dreams, greater forces are at work, teaching me to retain the silence of my heart, whatever the circumstances.

All the things I have done before have lead me to this place in time where I am now.

I am so grateful for the writing I have done…

That’s how I could preserve the subtle teachings of the forces that are guiding me.  It’s like folding a net around little creatures that otherwise surely would have flown away.

By writing books I could share the strangeness of my thoughts and doings with the stubborn people in my village, and just show them how crazy I am. What a relief that they know now!

The main thing is that, by writing, I have made a statement that, for the rest of the years I live, will stay with me and be stable and durable when everything, even my identity, is changing and floating.

So I’ll take a look at my work and share some of it with you: 

 Sage, painting by Carol Grigg          

 On holiday we take the local bus to the market.

The people are dressed lightly.

Just one woman is wrapped up in heavy, black veils.

Only her eyes are visible.

Her husband is entirely dressed in white.

Suddenly I notice the woman’s hand in her lap.

It feels as if I am not supposed to see her hand.

Too private.

I see her life in her hand.

She shows her familiarity with herself to the outside world.

To me.

My thoughts drift away.

As human beings we are able to see by contrast.

It is the only hand in the bus that I have truly seen.

By the contrast between the black veils and the living hand.

Seeing contrast can be revealing.

Source: Wholeness

I am nearing the end of a year of study in ‘A Course in Miracles’.

Today’s lesson is:

‘This holy instant would I give to You’.

I do not know who ‘You’ is.

I do know the inner attitude of surrendering to a Force preceding

and surpassing me.

It is an attitude connecting me with the flow of peace inside me.

Our holiday has come to an end.

A long flight is lying ahead of us.

Plenty of moments to remember today’s idea of the Course.

Every time I remember the idea, I fall asleep peacefully and relaxed.

Despite the uncomfortable position.

As soon as we arrive home, I feel haste.

Haste to quickly freshen the flowers.

To work through the mail.

To listen to the answering machine.

To solve a computer problem.

My haste does not resemble the act of forgiving.

Neither does it resemble enjoyment or peace.

Should I be able to handle such a situation in peacefulness before

writing a book on forgiving?

I would become quite boring then.

Source: Wholeness 

 Creation

I am a combination of two Forces at every moment:

Shiva, the unchanging one and Shakti, the dynamic one.

At all levels this is what I am.

Time and again I return to Shiva, the unchanging,

in order not to drown myself in this play of Forces.

There I am also the one who is aware of everything.

There I am also connected to the Source

from which everything originates.

In my mind’s eye I see the trunk of a tree with a sign posted on it.

Yellow with a thin black border like an obituary.

It says:

In

silent

position.

I hear the word: Angel of Fire.

At the base of my spine I feel my womb pulsating.

I can always return to the Source from which this

miraculous spectacle of light, sound and movement springs forth.

That is where I am the closest to my essence:

The Force that envelops all movement.

That is where I feel entirely present.

All women are like this, when they cherish their children.

When their wombs envelop, protect and feed new and growing lives.

Offering light to new life.

There are thousands of gates opening up to this miraculous Force.

Source: Wholeness complete

Transition

A woman is sitting at her desk.

The warm light of a lamp shines on her hands.

Her hands rest on a white surface.

She is writing.

She is writing letters to an Enlightened Being.

This woman is eager to become connected.

Connected with the Light within herself.

She is just an ordinary woman.

A woman like other women.

Yet, she feels like an outsider.

Always searching for that connection.

The world around her seems to be living on and not to take even

the slightest notice.

She feels all alone.

Alone with her Enlightened Being.

He is with her, listens patiently, resonates her search,

and never leaves her alone.

He allows everything that comes to her mind.

He helps her consider what is given to her.

Writing helps her stop seeking after recognition, warmth and

wisdom in the world.

She finds recognition, warmth, wisdom, compassion, and permission

with her Enlightened Being.

In the world she cannot find what she is searching for.

Is that a true thought?

No.

Her sister gave her the idea to write letters to an Enlightened Being.

A book inspired her to write this ‘Transition’.

So there are Sources outside her as well.

But sometimes she quickly denies them.

Why does she deny them?

There is a lot of Love around her.

Why does she deny it?

She feels guilty about this.

Why does she often want to forget the Love around her

as quickly as possible?

Is she afraid that she has to give something in return?

Is she afraid to be outpaced by others?

Why is it that she cannot hold on to these sparks of Love

for more than a day?

Her eagerness gets in the way.

Eagerness for More.

That is why she turns to her Enlightened Being.

He is abundance.

And fortunately he is not as eager and hungry as the beasts

around her.

What an ugly thought is that!

Hungry beasts surrounding her?

Is that a true thought?

Not entirely.

Most of the time there are no hungry beasts around her.

Maybe she should take a look at the hungry beast inside her?

It is very big.

So big that she needs an Enlightened Being to satisfy her hunger.

Oh dear, how will this story end?

She must be a really bad woman with a Hungry Beast inside her

if she needs an Enlightened Being to satisfy her hunger.

The Enlightened Being also cherishes the Hungry Beast in the

woman. The creature needs a lot of love and attention.

The hungry creature may be brought into the Light.

The Enlightened Being takes the hungry, ravenous creature

by the hand and leads it to a Tunnel.

The Hungry Creature feels very humble and grateful

at the same time.

It feels guided.

The Enlightened Being and the woman’s Hungry Creature are guided

through the Tunnel jointly.

It is dark in the Tunnel.

Even the Enlightened Being extinguishes His Light in order not to

disturb the darkness of the Tunnel.

The woman keeps on writing.

The warm light of the desk lamp shines on her hands.

The white surface now holds many black characters.

It is good as it is.

The warm light of the desk lamp.

The scribbling sound of the pen.

The movement of her hand.

The beauty of her left hand quietly laid down.

She contemplates the image of the One Hand moving

and the left hand resting quietly.

Perhaps she does not have to make a Transition.

Perhaps everything is good as it is.

However it is.

She sees the telephone, a book, a magazine, her diary,

and many other things on her desktop.

What richness, all those personal possessions surrounding her.

Dear Enlightened,

I would like to continue writing to You.

I want to tell You what it is like here on earth.

Maybe You are unable to distinguish this in the Light

in which You live.

To see what I see, one needs darkness.

I am so happy with the warmth and the light of the desk lamp,

with the books around me.

My diary filled with appointments with loved ones.

Objects on my desktop that remind me of kind people.

You Enlightened,

will you help me see and

appreciate them

still more?

I look to the right and see

the abundance of the books

on my shelves.

So many times these books have inspired me

and reminded me of You!

Teach me to be grateful for what IS

instead of always wanting more.

Teach me to be patient instead of devouring everything

like a Hungry Beast.

And most of all, teach me to love my Hungry Creature

as I love myself.

Source: Wholeness complete

In my mind’s eye I see the image of a woman walking along a path.

The trail becomes steeper and narrower as she continues.

Her backpack, although with less burden, weighs increasingly heavy.

The sun, which seems to be her goal, shines on her face.

The woman decides to rest for a while.

She places the backpack next to her.

Because of its weight she still feels the marks of the straps on her shoulders.

Then she decides to return to the village from which she has come,

and to leave the backpack behind.

The bag contains the excess baggage, left behind by living the life of

a human, a woman, a mother.

It holds especially the necessity to be needed.

The need to be necessary was her greatest fulfillment,

her greatest joy.

But it also was her biggest challenge, a pitfall, an obstacle.

From this she learned the most.

The backpack is radiating in the light of the sun.

She asks Great Spirit to transform her need to be needed

into the maturity of a wise, ancient woman.  

Source: Playing with the Life Force
(yet to be published)

She was the third child out of four.

Her father was working hard, running a big business.

The mother ran the household, looked after the children, and did the best she could.

For a reason I don’t understand, she kind of neglected the children at the same time.

The girl had a sister, eight years older, and a brother who was six when the girl was born.

Her brother was in the hospital in those days.

He had polio.

The mother was very upset. She was afraid she would have a child who had a paralysis.

The girl, not yet born, could feel all this tension, even in the lukewarm waters that surrounded her.

So, in this particular womb, there was a lot of strain and stress.

The girl didn’t feel so welcome.

One of the ways to save her life was to start trying to figure things out.

She learned to think very well.

Her spontaneous life however, was neglected, abandoned.

This served her during school years, because she was a well-adapted child.

Also during her career, and when she had children of her own.

When the nest was empty, she used her brains for further growth.

Yet, something was lacking…

In her later years, the creative surge that washes away all tension started to fight against her adaptive behaviour.

That’s why I want to say to this girl:

You may play now, I’ll do the thinking.

Our presence, Here and Now, can reconnect us with who we ARE.

We are energy. And energy is Here and Now.

In our minds we occupy ourselves with what’s happening or what should happen.
This reasoning resembles the clouds in a blue sky: Apparently very real, but with no substance of itself.

Every time we want something else than what’s happening NOW we give away some of our power.

I know by experience the difficulty of letting go of this habit.

Step by step we can decide, every time anew, that we want to surrender to the flow of life and at the same time be present.

From our early youth on we have been dependent on what’s happening in our  environment. We have stored these reactions to our early upbringing in the cells of our bodies, just like waffles have the imprint of the wafer iron.

That’s how we have forgotten that we ourselves are creative energies.

By experiencing our bondage to our environment we can gradually intend to start living the authentic expression of who we ARE from the inside out.

By doing this we learn to peel off thick layers of fear.

“Can You give me a signal?”

Silence everywhere.

I hear the murmuring of the ocean.

The soft breathing of the one lying next to me.

“THIS IS IT.

THERE IS NO MORE.”

From my inside I hear suddenly:

“I am eager to relate to this.”

I may live myself.

How often do I have to discover

Before I know?

Connecting the silence with the fire of my life.

Source: “Wholeness Complete”  

Would I be able to write without knowing that you are here to listen to the whisper of the sounds of my voice?

What would I do if I didn’t trust that you are near?

How would I express myself in the empty void of the dark of the womb without you?

Soft, fluid waters embracing both of us.

How can I make known that you are the like the scent of jasmine on a warm summer night to me?

Endlessly inspiring like the breath of the sacred in a sanctuary of light?

Stay with me, dear muse, let’s play.